Reluctant Motherhood...

Apparently, I'm a terrible blogger. I'm fine with this. I follow other peoples blogs, and occasionally I think about things I would blog about... then I go do something else. Well, I decided I better blog about this new experience because literally EVERY women I have come across has told me that you forget it. Lame-o - is all I have to say to that. I have decided to break it up into three sections.

1st section:

We found out in August we were pregnant. I got dizzy once at girls camp and was getting headaches - all unusual for me. Then blamo - the pregnancy test (six to be exact) told us in big blue letters that YES we were going to have a baby. The range of emotions is unreal that I felt. I have a ton of friends who have fertility issues, so I immediately felt guilt. Then sadness, anger, frustration and then... my favorite..... sickness. I.Don't.Do.Sick. Three things I liked/hated about section 1 of pregnancy:

Likes:

My sweet rack: Grew three sizes in three weeks. The pain was crazy, but wow... I looked hot.

Sleeping well: I could sleep like I did in high school. At any time of any day.

Hates:

All-the-time sickness: Never got used to sleeping with a sleeve of Saltines in bed with me... but it was an absolute necessary evil. If I didn't have something in my mouth at all times (literally) then I gagged (try this when you are in front of a class... I literally had the garbage can in hand a few times). I puked twice (for a grand total of 4 times in my whole life) and I did not like that at all.

Smells: NOTHING smelled good. I had no idea that scents could make me that nauseous, but lord have mercy on the guy wearing Cool Water in Target. I literally had the thought of finding a lighter and burning that shirt while it was still on his body. Anything was better than that smell.

Section 2 -

Told the family & my friends when I was into the 2nd trimester (whenever that is - I still don't speak "weeks" - don't make me do math people). It was funny to see all the different reactions. I started to show around this time and started to deal with major back and abdominal pain (partially torn ligament in my pelvis...) so the Yoga started to slow down, and generally I did too. I got more tired and ornery.... and boy howdy was I hot (temperature). I could melt a hershey kiss in my fingers in 10 seconds. Re-donk-u-lous.

Likes:

Niceness - Holy crap are people nice when they find out you are pregnant. I never knew. I never was so I assumed everyone else was like me. Who knew?

Hunger games - Not the book. This was the game that my body would play with me where I had to start eating seconds of every meal. Second breakfast, second lunch, second dinner.... All of which lead to my finding and embracing maternity clothing.

Maternity clothes - I swore that I would NEVER, EVER, EVER wear such awful things, but I now consider them manna from heaven. Those stupid panels are a lifesaver.

Hates:

Weird body stuff: What the hell is this line down my belly? What is happening to my boobs? Why are my thighs rubbing together? Is this heartburn? Why is this happening? What are these dark spot blotchy things on my chest? Is this a grey hair? Why am I peeing four times a night? Argh!

Third Section:

I like to think of this as the time I started waddling. I used to think, "why is she doing that?" Now I know. It's because if you don't, you will end up flat on your face. It's because your pubic bones hurt so bad that you want to sit on a block of ice all day. It's because your center of gravity is so effed up that you have no other choice. It's waddle or die time. This section came with a much bigger belly, HEARTBURN up the yaz, sleeping in 2 hour stints, dropping things and not picking them up, and sitting down to teach (a sin in the teaching world).

Likes:

Baby movement: It feels like your belly is a goldfish bowl, and you have a huge king salmon stuck inside it. It was cute for a long time and really funny when Loran would see it or feel it. Now, it's like he's playing WWF with my liver. He doesn't like me putting my arm on my belly or any sort of pressure on him - it's cute but I can't wait to not share my body any more.

Clothing: I have been able to get away with wearing my hubbys clothes and now sweats and NO ONE says a word to you. I know I look like crap - but I dare you to tell me so. I will take you down.

Eating: Again, I am enjoying my food. Again, I dare you to tell me that I'm eating too much. I will literally eat your face.

Hates:

Heartburn: What the hell is the purpose of this? It took me up until a week ago to realize that my stomach is somewhere under my right armpit, and I can't sleep on that side unless I want to vomit in my mouth all night. Thank the lord for heartburn meds from the good earth. Not tasty but they are saving my life. Probably shouldn't be eating them like they are m&m's....

Barney Rubbles: My feet and hands look similar to Barney Rubbles. I have so much swelling it's unreal. It's all the time too. You touch my feet and it will leave an indent.

OB visits: OK - is it absolutely necessary to get checked every time I go in there? Like Chevy Chase says, "You using the whole fist doc?" I mean seriously. Besides, have you ever tried to give a urine sample at 9 months when you can't even see your who-ha to try and catch the pee? I have resorted to, if I feel it on my hand, I'm not in the right spot. It's all a guessing game. AND, someone needs to create OB tables that allow you to partially sit up. Laying down at this stage and size is a recipe for a heart attack, stroke or small seizure. The kid is already pushing on my every organ, you want me to LAY DOWN on my BACK? You must be high.

I'm at 40.1 weeks at this point and baby boy is supposed to be coming any day now... I'm so excited to see the little guy and figure out this mommy thing. I'm also excited to lay on my belly, not have heartburn, and to wake up for something other than my bladder. More to come!